Can you see me...?
by Ascot no miko
Summary: A TAITO fic. As in, yaoi. As in, *GAY* INTENTIONS. Don't read if ya don't like. *g* My first yaoi! Taichi to Yamato. Please R&R!


  
  
Can you see me...?  
  
I'm looking your way, you know. Even if you don't look back.  
  
I know I'm a jerk to you... I'm sorry, really I am. It's just... that's what they expect, isn't it? I mean, they don't realize that it's not how I feel...  
  
It will never be how I feel.  
  
But how can they understand? How can you understand? I don't even talk to you, unless we are fighting. Unless I have to...  
  
But I...  
  
I feel like...  
  
Like I...  
  
No. I can't say it. Maybe if I don't think it, it won't be true. It can't be true. I'm just.... I'm just not like that.  
  
But I feel it.  
  
In my bones, I feel it. I am what I am, right? I can't change that.... right?  
  
The others wouldn't understand. They might act like it, but they won't. I would lose their trust, and I can't do that. If I lost their trust, our whole team would fall apart. But...   
  
...how can I tell you?  
  
What if... what if, what if, what if! What if you don't like me? You probably aren't... what I am... what I might be... anyway. You're probably normal... unlike me.  
  
I'm suppose to be the leader here. Leaders can't be different or.... gay. They have to be strong and perfect, just like in the movies.  
  
But what if I can't be like that? What if that happens, huh? Does that mean I can't be the leader? Are they going to choose someone else because I'm... different?  
  
Everyone's different in their own way, you know. Like me... I'm shorter than you.... I'm taller than Koushiro.... my hair's a different color than Jyou's...  
  
But I feel....  
  
...like I....  
  
...love you?  
  
I know I shouldn't say that... love is a very strong word, even though some people take it for granted. They throw it around carelessly, not caring in the slightest....  
  
I'm like that, aren't I? Careless.... Maybe physically, my friend, and sometimes... I am careless mentally...  
  
But not with something like this.  
  
I love you, Yamato. I hate saying it, because it makes me... different.  
  
Did you know... did you know that I've fought all my life to be normal? To have people accept me for who I am, even before... now?  
  
When I was young, they told me to be quiet, because I was loud. My mother... my mother slapped me sometimes... she even got sent to jail for it, once. But I knew she loved me...  
  
It's just that... after all those years of working at being normal... I realize that I'm not, and I never will be... see, remember what I said? I'm gay.  
  
I'm GAY, Yamato.  
  
But... is that a bad thing...?  
  
I love you....  
  
I mean, if you... if you would love me back... then I don't think I would care at all. I would love my life, no matter what people said.  
  
If you loved me...  
  
Would we still be friends, if I told you how I felt. How I wanted... no, needed a loving hand? Would you be scared of me, Yamato? Would you?  
  
Are you homophobic? Because.... well, I pretend to be.   
  
At school, you know. I would act like a jerk when the teachers said something about homosexuality... and bisexuality.... stuff like that.  
  
Because I was scared, Yamato... because I _am_ scared...  
  
See, this isn't a game. This is life, and I'm trying to accept it. But.... Yamato, you don't get it, do you? Do you understand?  
  
I love you, Yamato. And because of that, I know I'm gay.  
  
I accept it. Because I love you. Yes, Yamato, love.  
  
I suppose that this is how it ends, though. Until sometime when I can tell you how I feel... when I can tell the world...  
  
When I can look rejection in the eye and not be afraid... But that day is not today... today I am still fearful.  
  
My Crest may be Courage, Yamato, but I need to work for it. Like you with your Crest of Friendship, my life has changed it.  
  
I'll work for the Courage to tell you, Yamato. But.... until then...  
  
Can you see me...?  
  
I'm looking your way, you know. Even if you don't look back.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: My first Taito-y fic! Made for HRW (Her Royal Weirdness) because she's been bugging me FOREVER to make a yaoi fic... so, here you go, HRW! ^_^  
  
  
  



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